SMC Discussion Areas

Enjoy,
Creighton

Subject: Quotes taken from Police Videos

These 16 were taken off actual police car videos
around the country:
16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any
redder than the one you just went through.'
15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because
they're new. They'll stretch after you wear
them awhile.'
14. 'If you take your hands off the car,
I'll make your birth certificate a worthless
document.'
13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 ft/second?
Because that's the speed of the bullet
that'll be chasing you.'
11. 'You don't know how fast you were going?
I guess that means I can write anything I
want on the ticket, huh?'
10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift
supervisor, but I don't think it will help.
Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift
supervisor?'
9. 'Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm
warning you not to do that again or I'll give
you another ticket.'
8. 'The answer to this last question will
determine whether you are drunk or not. Was
Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
7. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen,
Fair is a place where you go to ride on
rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and
step in monkey poop.'
6. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets
and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
5. 'In God we trust, all others we run
through NCIC.'
4. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say
you had?'
3. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We
used to, but now we're allowed to write as
many tickets as we can.'
2. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of
Police) is a personal friend of yours. It's
good to know someone who can post your bail.'


AND THE WINNER IS....

1. 'You didn't think we gave pretty women
tickets? You're right, we don't.........
Sign here.'

ROFL... those are great!

That reminds me of an old cop joke.

A driver gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign.  The police officer says "You didn't come to a complete stop."  The driver says "Hey, I slowed down.  What's the difference?"  The cop takes out his billy club and starts whacking the guy in the head and says..."Do you want me to stop or slow down?" :laugh:

O.K. I'll leave the comedy to the experts.